Shhh…listen

I spent a lot of time last year in deep conversation about negotiating and influencing and generally these discussions flowed naturally downstream towards the lost art of listening. 

Each time, I found myself quoting Barbara Kingsolver (american writer and political activist), who once famously said: “I never learn anything from listening to myself”. And when you quiet your giggle, you’re left with an eerie feeling of disquiet, aren’t you? What if it’s true. 

You start to wonder if you just might listen more to yourself more than you do to others? 

And then you ask yourself, when I am listening to others am I really concentrating or am I racing ahead to make my own point or find the exact word? Is it possible I’m missing the subtle nuances of the conversation itself? By passing a learning opportunity? Something important? 

These conversations reminded me of the genius of Otto Scharmer and his 4 Levels of Listening. His research was emphatic and points to the fact that the way we listen and the way we pay attention in our conversations will influence the quality and depth of the interactions and ultimately, the quality of the relationship we are building. 

He references listening as an underestimated leadership capability and is just as clear on why we must shift our mindsets to deliver productive listening, time and time again. 

Scharmer is clear that empathic listening requires an open mind, open heart and open will and that our inner voices of judgement, cynicism and fear will work tirelessly to block our listening efforts. (No pressure then!) 

It’s a timely reminder in our post-Covid world of isolation, hybrid ways of working and severe flooding – all of which, are separating us from one another and straining our ego-centric communication methods.